being an adult . . .

. . .sucks!! i am sorry for the coarse language, but i felt it was necessary in order to elicit the emotion that i am feeling. and honestly, i am not sure that it is the being an adult part, so much as how adults act, or how they are supposed to act. i personally do not mind being an adult. i have fun being an adult, but have trouble communicating with other adults. why i do not know. i just wonder sometimes if we really have progressed past our junior high tendencies? you know what i am talking about: the fear and insecurities! when in our lives will we be able to truly be ourselves. everyday it is a new battle for me to be comfortable with me. not only physically, but emotionally as well. lean in closer, i am going to tell you a little secret - i am not normal. shhh!! don't repeat that to anyone. yes, this is my problem. as my husband would so kindly say to me, "what can i do about it?" truthfully he can do nothing. it is me and my insecurities, but where did i get all of these, and why as a successful 26 year old professional, do i still have them? is it because i was chubby in jr. high, had to wear braces for 5 years (along with every attachment, from a bumper to the odious headgear!), or the fact that no one asked me out until i was a junior in high school? should all of these things still matter and haunt me through my adult life. i think not. i am not the same person i was then, but that person is still here. will she ever go away?

those few of you that are out there, i need your input. what do you think? i will continue to post on this later, but i have brought up some questions that i did not know were there until they flowed from my fingers onto the screen. i just might have to have a talk with that girl of years gone by and see what she has to say. so tune in next time for a conversation with myself at 15!

is there anybody out there . . .

seeing as i feel that no one is out there, i am going to say a few things! i hate spinach. take that. i don't like to . . . get up in the mornings. ha! yeah, do you really want to get me started on this? too late sucker. i'm on a roll. i can't stand the sound of fingers scraping on a chalkboard. (that one got ya didn't it? be honest.) the mere thought of really breaking a nail makes me nauseous. remember that commercial for lotion? anyone . . . anyone? well, there was this horrid slow motion shot of a nail breaking trying to open a soda can, and i seriously could not watch that commercial. it made me want to hurl. i get the chills just thinking about it now. speaking of commercials (my ADD is kicking in so there is no telling where this is going.)

i am the biggest sucker for infomercials!! i love them, and must have everything they are trying to sell me. my brother and i feel that ron popeil is our surrogate father, since we grew up and saw him about as much as our dad, which was a lot. hair in a can, what kind of genius is that, i mean, you spray it and it looks like hair! who does not need that. and the knife sets. i have always wanted to cut through my shoe and then a tomato. and they just seem to be getting better and better. have you seen the one called "the magic bullet"? this new blender thing that blends into the cup, so you don't have that sloppy mess of trying to transfer your drink. you know, pouring. pouring is really difficult. i could never be a waitress. i would constantly spill things on people trying to pour from over their shoulder. the lamest infomercials are the ones that try to disguise themselves as regular commercials. you know they just don't have the money to buy the full time slot. you get a short view of the product and then phone numbers and "CALL NOW!" flashing on the screen. there is no communication, no audience to "ooh" and "ahh" at the product.

i have to feel for my product and the 30 seconds to two minute spot is just not giving me enough time. i have got to have a host who cannot go two sentences without saying "that's incredible" or "can you believe it". the ones with accents are the best. i know this makes me sound a bit insane, but so what if i am. obviously there are others out there with my same need for the infomercial. otherwise they wouldn't be on the air. really, my dream is to be in the audience and to get to try the product. i have wonderful facial expressions. watch . . . that was happy . . . that was amazed, and here comes the best one of all . . . shocked and amazed!

saying goodbye to friends . . .

is a hard thing to do. i hate to admit but i recently became friends with four wonderful women: carrie, miranda, charlotte, and samantha. why am i sorry you ask? because these women are not real. they are from a tv show, they are from "sex and the city". i know, i know, the show and they are amoral and trashy. i really do know this, but i can't help myself. i love them. through six seasons i have laughed, gufawed, and been shocked by what they did, but i loved it. why did i love it? i loved it because they seemed to be real. their problems, their struggles, their friendship. the money they had and their lifestyle was totally hollywood, but who cares . . . they looked fabulous! i also loved this show because there was something in each woman that i could identify with. with carrie, i always loved her clothes. they were wild and crazy. i also loved her attitude. she had spunk and class. miranda was hilariously sarcastic. she told it like it was, but underneath was vulnerability and hope. when is comes to style and class though, charlotte out does them all. she was beautiful, but not perfect. and samantha . . . her passion in the bedroom and out of it was amazing. she was a go getter and didn't let anything get in her way. and now my friends are gone, only to be seen on dvd's (which are extremely expensive). i know i sound silly, but i don't care. this is my send off to my four friends. you were wonderful, witty, and honest. when the last episode played, i hadn't realized how attached to this show and these women i was. the flood gates opened and there was no holding back the tears that were there. so, see ya around ladies. and to quote an old irish saying that everyone has heard - "may the road rise to meet you". (i am not really sure what that means, but it sounds really good.)